The Christmas Storm - final installment

Dinner had been long done and the fire was down to embers when she realized that the kids had gone to bed and it had been just her and Shawn talking for the last while. She smiled at him. And his heart made a small leap. It was the smile she had given him that night, as she lay in his arms and told him of all of her dreams. Then the smile faded and was replaced by a creased set of lips.

'Shawn?'

He held his coffee mug and methodically stirred the now cold drink with the tip of his finger, 'What is it, Bobbi?'

'Tell me the real reason you came.'

'I did tell you the 'real' reason. It wasn't Christmas without you, without the kids.' He looked solemnly at her. 'I guess I've learned over the last few months that it wasn't just you and Nick that were the important things for me. Honestly, I couldn't stand the thought of being at Mom and Dad's with everyone around the tree, and there was no way in hell that you and Nick and the kids would come banging into the house. Always late for dessert; always making the unintended big entrance.' He shook his head softly. 'No, Bobbi, that's not what I wanted for my holiday.'

She stood up from the chair where she was curled up, her legs under her and her arms wrapped around her. Her intention was to go to him but, there was a cry from the baby's room and she turned her attention to that. 'I need to go take care of Nikki.' He nodded as she padded down the hallway in her slippers.

He sat there for a while; then spied the ornament still sitting on the end table by the tree. Strolling over, he picked it up and held it to the light to examine it. She walked past with Nikki and he asked, 'Why is this the last ornament?' He held high hopes for her answer; he didn't hear what he expected.

'Nick put the tree away last year because I was sick,' the words caught in her throat as she patted the baby's back. 'That was his favorite ornament.'

He stared at it for a moment and then to her. 'Nick's favorite?' Trying to fathom this revelation he asked, 'Did he know why I gave it to you?' He swallowed hard.'

Not that I know of. He always talked about how he was surprised that you had been so thoughtful to get something that was about all of us.' She had finished getting the bottle and was turning back down the hallway. 'I've got to settle Nikki. I should be out soon.'

He pushed his hands at her, as if to send her on her way. Then he carefully took the ornament, found the perfect spot for it and sat down on the floor in front of the tree. He prayed. For the first time since July, he prayed for peace. For him, for her, for the kids. He prayed for Nick. And then he remembered the envelope and pulled it from his pocket. 'Just what did you want to say to me Nick and why couldn't you tell me this while you were still alive?'

His hand shook as he removed the paper from the envelope.

'Shawn,

If you're reading this, well, something has happened to me and Bobbi and the kids are alone in this world. She has no one but you. And I expect that you will carry on as the Two Musketeers from now on.

Funny how life works. We three were to be together forever. And now, for me, there is no forever anymore. But there is for you. And for Bobbi. And the kids.

She told me when we became 'an item' that you had told her once that you never wanted children. I'm sure that's what drove her into my arms and my bed and to become my wife. Because as sure as I am that I love you both, I'm just as positive that she had greater passion for you than for me.'

He put the paper down on the couch and walked over to her liquor cabinet. He wanted a drink. Reaching for the whiskey, he poured himself a shot, tilted it and let the warm, dark liquid drain down his throat. Wiping the moisture from his cheeks with the back of his hand, he sat back down and continued.

'Did you take that drink? LOL I know damned well you did. I know you too well. I know her too well. I know if you are reading this, that she left Emporia and probably has that dream cabin she always wanted. And I know she left to escape not just the memories of me, but she left to escape you, too.

I want you to take care of her and the kids Shawn. She deserves that. She deserves every bit of happiness she can get from life. Maybe more so than either of us ever did. You and I, Shawn, we had it all growing up. She really only had us. Now she only has you. But you are what she needs. You are what she wants.

I know, I know. She chose me. We had a good life, Bobbi and I, a very good life together. We were very blessed. Scott, Jimmy and Megan. She survived that terrifying night when she was shot. You were there with us. She was sick; you were there with us. We found out the docs were wrong; and you were there with us. It was always the three of us. Always. In our marriage, it was the three of us. Oh, yes, it was me who had the privilege to marry her. It was me that fathered children with her. But it was you that she had passion for. You, that had you wanted children, she would have married.'

He started to get up to pour himself another quick drink when the next sentence stopped him in mid-air.

'Don't you go get another drink. I want you sober for this. Sit your 'wild side' (as Bobbi so affectionately called your occasional insanity) down and read this letter.'

He sat back down, shaking his head at how well Nick had known him.

'Shawn, I know what happened the night of prom. Get that look off your face! I knew it as soon as we all got together for breakfast the next morning. She was glowing, a far-off look on her face as she was watching you. But it was also at that moment that I knew she would marry me. It took me time to piece together that I had basically thrown you into each other's arms by running off with Sue to the hotel. I was a pig to her for those years of high school and our first year of college. I didn't give a damn if it hurt her feelings that I was sleeping around. Yet you did. You just wouldn't date anyone because you didn't want to face her wrath; her thought that no one else was good enough for us. I've figured out over the years why you never did more than have one night stands with women that you never introduced to us. You couldn't bring yourself to look at her face because you knew what you would see there. I can't blame you. I've had years to look back at how I must have disappointed and upset her during all those indiscreet moments I had before she and I became a permanent partnership.

I loved Bobbi with all of my being. And I know she loved me with all of hers. We've made a great team all these years. But, Shawn, she needs you now. And she loves you. No matter what it might seem, she loves you with a passion you will never find in anyone else. I've been jealous all these long years. Jealous of you. Jealous that it was you that made love to her first. And jealous that you were the only other man to mean anything in her life.

I'm no longer jealous; not because I'm gone, but because I've learned that she chose me. So I have nothing to be jealous of.

But, I do have something to ask of you. I don't know if you can do it, but I pray you can. Because, as strong a woman as she is, she still needs you.

Shawn, get over the fact that she and I added 4 more people to this relationship. Love my kids, Shawn. Love them like they are yours. While physically they are not, truly, as one of the 'Three Musketeers', they are your family. As much as if it were your blood flowing through them. I know kids were not on your 'to do list'...so you aren't doing them. They're mine. But now they need a man like you to be there for them. Not as an uncle, but like a father.

Please, please love them all. Not just Bobbi. I know how much you love her. Love them. Be with them.

And, Shawn, be her lover. I know you are shaking your head. Be her lover. She needs that. She deserves that. Be the passion that she has missed all these 20 years since prom night. I gladly say this to you, be there for her, be with her. From now until the Two Musketeers becomes one.

She'll resist you. She'll tell you it isn't loyal to me. Show her this letter. I didn't have the guts to write one to her. It's been so much easier for me these past years to pretend I didn't know what happened between the two of you on that night. The complete reality of it hit me hard when you had that ornament made for her.'

He again placed the letter down, this time walking to the tree to touch that precious piece once more. A sad smile crossed his lips as he gently laid it back into the tree and went back to pick up the letter.

'It became my favorite. That barn held so many memories for all of us. I always told Bobbi, when I was putting away the tree, that it was taken off first because it was the most important one. It represented our youth. But I know it was something else to you. And to her. But, in the end, no matter what, it was about the friendship and love we all shared. However we had shared it.

If you've made it through, and you're still reading, there's only one last thing for you to do. Go to her. Wherever she may be as you are reading this, go to her. Do it now.

I love you both very much. Don't ever forget that. And don't ever forget me.

Love, Nick'

He suddenly realized she had never returned to the room. Looking at the clock on the wall, he couldn't believe it was 3 in the morning. Gently he folded the letter and placed it in the envelope. He found a pen on her desk and crossed off his name, then wrote Bobbi's under it. Placing it under the tree, he quickly rose and strode down the hallway, first to check on the boys, then Megan and, finally, to baby Nikki's room.

She was in the rocker; Nikki fast asleep in her arms and both of them under the warm blanket. His eyes moved to her face. And he recounted every moment of their only night together. Taking the baby, he kissed Nikki's cheek. She opened her eyes, those eyes that looked just like Nick. Then she reached out her tiny hand and held onto his finger. A tiny gesture, but it spoke volumes to him. He kissed her ever so softly, again, and placed her gently in her crib. He knew what Nick wanted. And he wanted it, too.
Tiptoeing back to Bobbi, he picked her up in his arms and whispered to her, 'I'm here, dear Bobbi, I'm here. And I'm going to love you the way I should have. You and the kids. Merry Christmas my best friend. I love you.'