It's 8:03 AM...

...and I should still be sleeping. That was, after all, my plan when I went to bed last night. Sleep in. Enjoy the nice toasty warm comforter and microplush blanket over my flannel sheets. Yes, indeed, that was the plan!

Well, you know what they say about 'well-laid plans'. At 5:35 a little body came crawling up and over me, snuggled in beside me after stealing a pillow and quickly went to sleep - toddler snores and all. That was okay; I could fall back asleep in a few minutes.

You'd think so, but no. Then the alarm goes off for the other half to get up, check the radar and the local Scout district website to see if the Klondike Derby is still on for today. It was (is) and so, on comes the light, a yell for the teenagers to get up and finally, getting dressed. I sigh outloud but think "I can still go back to sleep."

No. Not yet? "What time does the grocery store open?" "Six." "Are you sure?" Now I just gave you a definitive answer, what do you think I meant? My mind is awake now.

And then, then I have to pay for having an hour with my friends yesterday. Next time? No nachos with chili and salsa. LOL!!

Still, I can roll back into the comfy confines of those luxurious blankets. Maybe.

"MOM! I need socks!!" I point out the basket of unmatched socks (they NEVER get matched up in this house). "MOM! Do you have a container I can put the egg in so it doesn't break?" I direct him on where he can get something to help him out. (Did I mention that I went shopping to two different stores last night for this 8 hour Scout program today?) Now, now I know I'm not going back to sleep.

I mosey on down to the kitchen and make sure each of the boys have ALL the items they need. Then I come back upstairs to find the gloves they need. All the while, the 3 youngest remain asleep (and they still are - it's now 8:11). Finally, mercifully, they leave at 7:15. Bed?

No, now I'm wide awake. I sit and play at the computer; I check facebook and my two racing websites. I check my bank accounts - still waiting for the monies to pay for the racing tickets that some friends and family are going to be sorely disappointed they won't have if they don't get me their money ASAP. Moving from site to site, I keep telling myself, "go lay down." It doesn't happen.

And then I remember a conversation from last night. Something about how little I blog or at least it was kind of like that. ;)

So, here I am, finishing a blog at 8:14 in the morning. To tell you the truth, I hope I'm not doing this next Saturday. I'd rather lie in my cozy, comfy, snuggly bed - even if there is a 3 year old snoring beside me!

..thought I'd let you know what takes so long for a new blog...

I know it’s been a while, but it’s been hectic here. Life takes some interesting turns on occasion, and this has been just such a time.

As many of you know, Shanon has been having some tests run because she is losing her hair – not just a little at a time, but by the handful. She’s gone from this gorgeous full head of curls to having less hair than when she was a year old. Thankfully, at least in some ways, all of her blood work came back within normal limits. We are not done looking into this, however, as I have spoken to several people who think we should continue to pursue it until we get a definitive answer. Thanks to a good friend, a former student, I have the name of a doctor to contact to try and find that answer.

Trevor ended Christmas break with a bad case of strep and Tommy followed him with pink eye. My two redheads spent a Tuesday at home together – all while Tommy was potty training. He did a good job for his big brother. Shanon came up with double ear infections and some sinus issues a week later, to add to my own sinus issues. Therapy takes up a lot of time for me.

But that’s the ‘heavy’ side of life here. There is, of course, the ‘good’ side and the ‘light’ side.

The ‘good’ side? All three older kids are doing fairly well at school. Shawna’s moved to level “V” in reading – somewhere in the 6th grade level of reading. Not bad for a third grader! Travis was elected Patrol Leader for his new Scout patrol – The Pony Express. And Trevor was elected to Senior Patrol Leader – in spite of his strep throat that kept him from the meeting. He made a short video for the Troop to watch so he could tell them what he would do as SPL. And he won the day.

And, then, of course, the ‘lighter’ side of life is what keeps us going.

Just a few days ago, Billy came in the house and starts yelling, “Who’s watching the babies?” I answered, “Shawna.” “No, NO SHE ISN’T!” Little did I know that she had gone upstairs to get ready for bed. Not 30 seconds after she did that (without telling me), Tommy found one of my boxes of cornmeal that Pap has given us for making cornbread and corn muffins and the such. He took off the lid, spread it across the kitchen floor and he and Shanon were ‘ice skating’ (I swear to you, that was their words) around the room. I laughed. Despite the mess and the dirty look I was getting, I just had to. Seriously? They are 2 and 3 years old – pretty inventive if you ask me.

Just a few minutes ago, Tommy starts yelling, “Shanon. You gonna be in trouble for puttin’ glue on the floor!” Panic ensues and I do my best wobble/run/hobble to the bedroom door. All over the floor is this white stuff that, sure enough, looks like someone has poured Elmers glue all over my hardwood floor. But it doesn’t SMELL like glue.

I've got to run...be right back...

It is now 20 minutes later…..

So, in the middle of telling you about THAT incident……another one occurs….
First, to the first…it wasn’t glue – it was Head and Shoulders shampoo. So, apparently she felt the floor needed a cleaning (it did). We get some towels and clean up the mess. It smells good and the floor is shiny, though a bit slick. All is good. The big boys go to youth group with the dad and the others go out in the house to play. I decide it’s a good time to blog and watch the football game at the same time. And then….

“Ooooooooooo, this is fun too slide in!!!” Oh boy! What are they doing NOW?!?!?!
Weeeelllll…..Shanon has dumped the rest of the H&S on the floor. AND she has found a bottle of hair dye that I once bought on a whim and then decided I didn’t really WANT to dye my hair, so it has sat there for about 3 years. She has that on the floor, the walls and, of course, herself and Tommy. I yell for Shawna and she starts a bath for them while I scrub the floor, again, and now the walls (amazingly, this does NOT take marker off the wall nor does it leave a stain).

So, there you have it….the precise reasons why I rarely get to blog.

Go ahead, laugh out loud! But the answer is, no, I will not pay for a new keyboard or computer screen if you’ve spit your drink out while reading.

The Christmas Storm - final installment

Dinner had been long done and the fire was down to embers when she realized that the kids had gone to bed and it had been just her and Shawn talking for the last while. She smiled at him. And his heart made a small leap. It was the smile she had given him that night, as she lay in his arms and told him of all of her dreams. Then the smile faded and was replaced by a creased set of lips.

'Shawn?'

He held his coffee mug and methodically stirred the now cold drink with the tip of his finger, 'What is it, Bobbi?'

'Tell me the real reason you came.'

'I did tell you the 'real' reason. It wasn't Christmas without you, without the kids.' He looked solemnly at her. 'I guess I've learned over the last few months that it wasn't just you and Nick that were the important things for me. Honestly, I couldn't stand the thought of being at Mom and Dad's with everyone around the tree, and there was no way in hell that you and Nick and the kids would come banging into the house. Always late for dessert; always making the unintended big entrance.' He shook his head softly. 'No, Bobbi, that's not what I wanted for my holiday.'

She stood up from the chair where she was curled up, her legs under her and her arms wrapped around her. Her intention was to go to him but, there was a cry from the baby's room and she turned her attention to that. 'I need to go take care of Nikki.' He nodded as she padded down the hallway in her slippers.

He sat there for a while; then spied the ornament still sitting on the end table by the tree. Strolling over, he picked it up and held it to the light to examine it. She walked past with Nikki and he asked, 'Why is this the last ornament?' He held high hopes for her answer; he didn't hear what he expected.

'Nick put the tree away last year because I was sick,' the words caught in her throat as she patted the baby's back. 'That was his favorite ornament.'

He stared at it for a moment and then to her. 'Nick's favorite?' Trying to fathom this revelation he asked, 'Did he know why I gave it to you?' He swallowed hard.'

Not that I know of. He always talked about how he was surprised that you had been so thoughtful to get something that was about all of us.' She had finished getting the bottle and was turning back down the hallway. 'I've got to settle Nikki. I should be out soon.'

He pushed his hands at her, as if to send her on her way. Then he carefully took the ornament, found the perfect spot for it and sat down on the floor in front of the tree. He prayed. For the first time since July, he prayed for peace. For him, for her, for the kids. He prayed for Nick. And then he remembered the envelope and pulled it from his pocket. 'Just what did you want to say to me Nick and why couldn't you tell me this while you were still alive?'

His hand shook as he removed the paper from the envelope.

'Shawn,

If you're reading this, well, something has happened to me and Bobbi and the kids are alone in this world. She has no one but you. And I expect that you will carry on as the Two Musketeers from now on.

Funny how life works. We three were to be together forever. And now, for me, there is no forever anymore. But there is for you. And for Bobbi. And the kids.

She told me when we became 'an item' that you had told her once that you never wanted children. I'm sure that's what drove her into my arms and my bed and to become my wife. Because as sure as I am that I love you both, I'm just as positive that she had greater passion for you than for me.'

He put the paper down on the couch and walked over to her liquor cabinet. He wanted a drink. Reaching for the whiskey, he poured himself a shot, tilted it and let the warm, dark liquid drain down his throat. Wiping the moisture from his cheeks with the back of his hand, he sat back down and continued.

'Did you take that drink? LOL I know damned well you did. I know you too well. I know her too well. I know if you are reading this, that she left Emporia and probably has that dream cabin she always wanted. And I know she left to escape not just the memories of me, but she left to escape you, too.

I want you to take care of her and the kids Shawn. She deserves that. She deserves every bit of happiness she can get from life. Maybe more so than either of us ever did. You and I, Shawn, we had it all growing up. She really only had us. Now she only has you. But you are what she needs. You are what she wants.

I know, I know. She chose me. We had a good life, Bobbi and I, a very good life together. We were very blessed. Scott, Jimmy and Megan. She survived that terrifying night when she was shot. You were there with us. She was sick; you were there with us. We found out the docs were wrong; and you were there with us. It was always the three of us. Always. In our marriage, it was the three of us. Oh, yes, it was me who had the privilege to marry her. It was me that fathered children with her. But it was you that she had passion for. You, that had you wanted children, she would have married.'

He started to get up to pour himself another quick drink when the next sentence stopped him in mid-air.

'Don't you go get another drink. I want you sober for this. Sit your 'wild side' (as Bobbi so affectionately called your occasional insanity) down and read this letter.'

He sat back down, shaking his head at how well Nick had known him.

'Shawn, I know what happened the night of prom. Get that look off your face! I knew it as soon as we all got together for breakfast the next morning. She was glowing, a far-off look on her face as she was watching you. But it was also at that moment that I knew she would marry me. It took me time to piece together that I had basically thrown you into each other's arms by running off with Sue to the hotel. I was a pig to her for those years of high school and our first year of college. I didn't give a damn if it hurt her feelings that I was sleeping around. Yet you did. You just wouldn't date anyone because you didn't want to face her wrath; her thought that no one else was good enough for us. I've figured out over the years why you never did more than have one night stands with women that you never introduced to us. You couldn't bring yourself to look at her face because you knew what you would see there. I can't blame you. I've had years to look back at how I must have disappointed and upset her during all those indiscreet moments I had before she and I became a permanent partnership.

I loved Bobbi with all of my being. And I know she loved me with all of hers. We've made a great team all these years. But, Shawn, she needs you now. And she loves you. No matter what it might seem, she loves you with a passion you will never find in anyone else. I've been jealous all these long years. Jealous of you. Jealous that it was you that made love to her first. And jealous that you were the only other man to mean anything in her life.

I'm no longer jealous; not because I'm gone, but because I've learned that she chose me. So I have nothing to be jealous of.

But, I do have something to ask of you. I don't know if you can do it, but I pray you can. Because, as strong a woman as she is, she still needs you.

Shawn, get over the fact that she and I added 4 more people to this relationship. Love my kids, Shawn. Love them like they are yours. While physically they are not, truly, as one of the 'Three Musketeers', they are your family. As much as if it were your blood flowing through them. I know kids were not on your 'to do list'...so you aren't doing them. They're mine. But now they need a man like you to be there for them. Not as an uncle, but like a father.

Please, please love them all. Not just Bobbi. I know how much you love her. Love them. Be with them.

And, Shawn, be her lover. I know you are shaking your head. Be her lover. She needs that. She deserves that. Be the passion that she has missed all these 20 years since prom night. I gladly say this to you, be there for her, be with her. From now until the Two Musketeers becomes one.

She'll resist you. She'll tell you it isn't loyal to me. Show her this letter. I didn't have the guts to write one to her. It's been so much easier for me these past years to pretend I didn't know what happened between the two of you on that night. The complete reality of it hit me hard when you had that ornament made for her.'

He again placed the letter down, this time walking to the tree to touch that precious piece once more. A sad smile crossed his lips as he gently laid it back into the tree and went back to pick up the letter.

'It became my favorite. That barn held so many memories for all of us. I always told Bobbi, when I was putting away the tree, that it was taken off first because it was the most important one. It represented our youth. But I know it was something else to you. And to her. But, in the end, no matter what, it was about the friendship and love we all shared. However we had shared it.

If you've made it through, and you're still reading, there's only one last thing for you to do. Go to her. Wherever she may be as you are reading this, go to her. Do it now.

I love you both very much. Don't ever forget that. And don't ever forget me.

Love, Nick'

He suddenly realized she had never returned to the room. Looking at the clock on the wall, he couldn't believe it was 3 in the morning. Gently he folded the letter and placed it in the envelope. He found a pen on her desk and crossed off his name, then wrote Bobbi's under it. Placing it under the tree, he quickly rose and strode down the hallway, first to check on the boys, then Megan and, finally, to baby Nikki's room.

She was in the rocker; Nikki fast asleep in her arms and both of them under the warm blanket. His eyes moved to her face. And he recounted every moment of their only night together. Taking the baby, he kissed Nikki's cheek. She opened her eyes, those eyes that looked just like Nick. Then she reached out her tiny hand and held onto his finger. A tiny gesture, but it spoke volumes to him. He kissed her ever so softly, again, and placed her gently in her crib. He knew what Nick wanted. And he wanted it, too.
Tiptoeing back to Bobbi, he picked her up in his arms and whispered to her, 'I'm here, dear Bobbi, I'm here. And I'm going to love you the way I should have. You and the kids. Merry Christmas my best friend. I love you.'

The Christmas Storm....continued....

He'd been driving for what seemed like an eternity. "Not the most brilliant of ideas you've ever had Shawn." Peering in the mirror, he shook his head at his appearance. Nothing short of a mess could describe him. His eyes were blood shot, his hair was standing on end and his 5 o'clock shadow more closely resembled Santa Claus's beard, with the exception that his was still the strawberry blonde that he'd been born with. To say the years had been good to him would have been an understatement. Still, he looked again at himself as he pulled to a stop at the sign and looked over the directions that he had gotten from Yahoo. Damn that woman, when she wanted to have everything gone from her life, she'd made good and sure that most wouldn't find her. "But I did."
He turned right and continued down the back country road. It was the middle of a snow storm, so it hadn't been easy. Traveling from southern Virginia, he hadn't thought about checking the weather so far north into Maine. Big mistake. The weather had gotten colder and the snow was getting deeper. He knew he should pull over to the side of the road and find a hotel before dark. But that wasn't going to accomplish what he'd set out on this journey for, so he continued on. According to his directions, he only had about 30 more miles to reach her new home. Checking his watch, he realized that should put him on her doorstep sometime around the time school let out for the three older kids. Then they'd be on Christmas vacation. He had checked all of that information out with the school district she was now in. Finding her had been quite an accomplishment. But, he had known that, even with the money from the beneficiaries fund and from the sale of the house that she and Nick had built, she'd go back to work. No, Bobbi wasn't one for staying home and pitying herself. So, he'd checked police departments up and down the coast and had finally found her in this tiny little town, dispatching for the local police and EMS. He had to admit he was a bit surprised; he figured she'd go back to patrolling. Then again, with this job, she was home when the older kids were and didn't have to do much to find little Nikki a babysitter. He shook his head again. Nick had taught her well about taking care of herself and the kids. "Why in the world do I think she needs me?"
His thoughts turned back to the night of prom, 20 years before. He and Bobbi had gone together as Nick had taken his girlfriend. Somehow, Nick always had a new girl. Bobbi never approved of them, which was why Shawn, wild as he was, never seriously dated. He figured he'd never find anyone to stand up to Bobbi's standards, so why bother. Nick and his date had left the party and Bobbi had been upset. She knew where they were going and it had made for a very unpleasant last few moments at the party. He'd grabbed her arm and forced her into his car before she could run from him. Then he had leaned into the door and kissed her. It was at that moment he learned of the passion she had for him, and he for her. He quickly drove her to the little broken down barn on the edge of town that had long been the hide-out for the three of them. He hadn't remembered when he'd thought of putting a blanket in the corner for something like this, but he had known it was there. Leaving her in the car, he'd run inside and pulled out the blanket from its hiding place, lit a few candles that they always had there, then went back to her. Opened the door for her. And carried her inside. They were kids, and it had been awkward at first, but he knew it was passionate love that they had felt. She'd told him that, as well, as they lay naked next to each other, whispering of all of their dreams and hopes. It was then, too, that he knew she would marry Nick and not him. She wanted a family. The family that she had not had as a kid. And he'd wanted nothing to do with children. Being the oldest of 10, he just couldn't imagine wanting kids, ever. He told her that. And the look in her eyes gave him the final notice that, indeed, this would be their first and last time to make love to each other. She would need Nick for a life partner. Nick the grounded one. Nick the one who would give her what she needed. Even as he was off in some motel with another woman. He knew who she would marry. And they did, between their junior and senior years of college. And he was the best man.
The irony of those words hit him hard as he made the next turn in the road. Only 15 more miles to go according to the directions.
Best man. He should have been her best man. And he'd come to that realization much too late. When she was walking down the aisle. He'd realized then that he wanted kids, but with her and no one else. But his two best friends were marrying each other. So he had 'forever remained silent', and stood by the two of them as they started their 'happily ever after'.
But the fairy tale ended on July 4th. And he was determined to fix the mistakes that he had made. She hadn't made a mistake. And he knew it. She'd made the right decision for what he had given her that night so long ago. But he had a chance to fix it, or what he thought was the fix.
He grimaced as he remembered why he had the chance to fix it. They'd been on duty that day. Bobbi was still on leave with the new baby - the miracle baby that they had just had two months before. Bobbi had been shot, coming upon an armed robbery while on duty, just weeks after coming back from her third maternity leave. The doctors had told her and Nick that she would never have another child. It had taken Bobbi quite some time to accept this. And then she'd been sick this past January, just about 10 years from the time of the shooting. The doctors had run what seemed like a million tests. He'd gone with them to every test, and was in the room when they were finally told that, by some miracle of God, she was pregnant. The three of them had hugged and laughed and cried together. He'd even been there when the couple told the other three kids. He laughed as he remembered the look on Scott's face. The 16 year old had been in shock. Jimmy, at 14, and Megan, at 11, had been ecstatic. They couldn't wait to be big brothers and sister and spent much of the spring getting the house together for the arrival of a baby. It had been a long haul; the scarring from the bullet had caused many problems for the pregnancy. But Nikki had arrived on Mother's day with 10 fingers and 10 toes, a shock of deep auburn hair and bright green eyes - the spitting image of her father. He couldn't remember Bobbi looking more radiant. Well, that was a lie. Just one other time. And that they had both vowed to never speak of after that spring night.
Looking up, he saw the school bus turning into the lane ahead. He spied the sign post. "Finally," he sighed. This was her little back road. "Must be the kids' bus." He crossed his fingers and followed slowly, noticing that the snow was coming down heavier now. The bus stopped in front of a log cabin, and despite himself, he chuckled. One of the dreams she had told him that night that felt like hundreds of years ago was that she hoped to one day live in a log home. In losing her love, she'd found her dream. Then he grinned as he saw first Megan, then Jimmy and finally Scott jump from the steps of the bus, wave to the driver and then turn toward the driveway to walk to the front door. Scott had turned back to check the mail when he'd pulled up in his truck. Putting down the window, he craned his neck to look out the window, "Hello, Stranger!"
"Uncle Shawn. Oh my God, you guys, it's Uncle Shawn."
He could barely get his door open before they were all there, hugging him. He couldn't help himself, tears started to form in his eyes and spill over the corners. Quickly, he wiped his face with the back of his hand. "You've missed me?"
Megan sobbed into his jacket, "So very much. Very, very much."
Jimmy, being a young man of few words, just nodded, but Scott added, "So has Mom. Even if she refuses to say it." He paused, and Shawn couldn't miss the deliberateness of his next few words, "Dad told me she'd miss you if you were ever gone from our lives."
He looked at the almost grown man in front of him. Honesty would be best. "She left me, all of us, back home. She chose for me to be gone."
"Yet you chose to come and find us." The look he shot him was defiant.
"That I did, Scott, that I did."
"We're glad you did. Come in with us. Can we surprise Mom?" His face said he hoped so.
"Sounds like a plan."
"And, Uncle Shawn?" He waited for Shawn to nod at him. "I have something for you from my dad."
Puzzled, Shawn took Megan's hand and headed toward the door. "How's that baby sister of yours?"
Megan spoke so fast the words just tumbled out. By the time they reached the door, he understood enough of it to know that Nikki was 'getting big' and 'doing fine'.
The kids ran in before him. Each yelled a greeting to their mother. Shawn stepped inside the doorway and, after stamping the snow from his boots, followed them down the entrance way. His breath caught in his throat when he saw her standing by the tree, her clothing revealing the same lovely body he had been so vividly remembering on his drive and, in her hand, the ornament that he had given her those so many years before — a replica of the old barn that he had someone design just for her.
She stared at him; her shock turning to disbelief. He didn't approach her further. The look she was giving him told him he'd best stay right where he was. Scott spoke up first, 'Mom, look what we found outside!' It was obvious he could feel the tension between the two of them and that he was trying to break the proverbial ice.
She turned the ornament over in her hands; first looking at it and then Shawn. She repeated this several times before she cleared her throat, 'Hello Shawn.'
The coldness in her voice cut him deeply; this had been a mistake. Just another in the long line of mistakes he'd made with her. He sighed before speaking, 'Bobbi. I, well, damn, I'm sorry I intruded. I just,' he was shaking, 'I just couldn't stand the thought of spending a Christmas without you.' He looked around the room, 'and the kids.'
This last caught her attention. He'd never mentioned the kids in any of their conversations before she had moved. It had only been about the three of them. How he missed Nick because it felt as if the three of them would be together for eternity. It was one of the reasons she had run so far — she didn't need to be reminded every day that she and Nick had added 4 more to the group; 4 that Shawn didn't want.
He knew that had caught her attention so he rushed on, 'Yes, Bobbi, you and the kids. I wanted to spend the holidays with the only family I have that matters to me.'
'Stop, Shawn, you have...'
'I have people. Siblings and parents and nieces and nephews. Yes, that I do,' he started to walk toward her now as Scott, Jimmy and Megan left the room at Scott's urging. 'What I don't have is the only two people who meant more to me than my family. I can't get Nick back.' He paused as she started to sob. 'I'm sorry, Bobbi, but it's the truth. I can't get him back. Not for you and not for me. But I can get you back. And I intend to get you back. All of you!' He'd reached her side and held his hands out to her. Her hesitation was short lived and she fell into his embrace, crying tears of sorrow and happiness all at the same time. Her emotions were getting the best of her. It felt good to be in the arms of the only best friend she had left on earth.
They stood like this for quite some time, both of them releasing all of the pain that they had been feeling over the past months. It had not helped either of them to avoid talking about Nick, though, she admitted to Shawn, running away had taught her that she was strong enough to raise this family alone. She had caught a peculiar look on his face when she had said it, but he had offered her no words in return. Finally, their all too brief moment was interrupted, 'Mom. Nikki needs you. And I started dinner.'
She pushed against Shawn's chest. 'I need to take care of the kids.' Then she walked over to Scott and hugged him. 'You're growing up, young man. Dad would be proud.' And she was off to get Nikki and finish their dinner. When she had gone, Scott turned towards Shawn. 'I told you Dad left something for you.'
'I can't imagine what.' He was confused as to how Nick could have 'left' him anything. The accident had been sudden and he had not been ill before it, at least not to his knowledge.
Scott reached into his back pocket and pulled out a long white envelope. Handing it to Shawn, he explained, 'Dad gave me this right after we found out about Nikki. All he told me was that he had things to say to you that were best left for when he was gone.' Shawn had started to interrupt when Scott raised his hand, 'Please let me finish this the way Dad told me to. You owe him that much. You owe my mom that much.'
Shawn nodded and sat down on the edge of the coffee table as he fumbled with the envelope.
'As I was saying, Dad told me he had things to say to you that were best left for when he was gone. He also asked me to remind you that all Mom has is you and us kids. That is, well, if he passed away before either of you.' He put his head down to hide the tears that were streaming down his face.
'Scott,' he had stood and reached out for the almost grown boy who looked so much, now, like the little boy he had been just a few years before. 'Scott. I loved your father. Very much. You know that.'
'Yes, I do. And he loved you, too. And he loved Mom. But I also know that you love my mom, too.' He had reddened under Shawn's stare.
'Of course I do, The Three Musketeers,' he'd not caught Scott's meaning.
'No, Uncle Shawn,' he was backing away from Shawn's grip on his shoulder. 'I mean a different love. And I know Mom feels the same for you.' He made sure to look the older man square in the eyes. 'I hear Mom crying at night. First she cries for Dad; then for you. Sometimes she's awake when she does this; sometimes she's having nightmares. But, just the same, she's crying over losing both of you.' He paused, waiting for Shawn to answer him. When he didn't, he continued on, 'I'm pretty sure that's what Dad wrote about in that letter. Read it later. Okay?'
'Of course, Scott. You know I'd do anything for either of your parents. Always.'
Scott looked carefully at him. 'I know you would. And Dad knew you would, too.'
He cleared his throat, 'Scott? Do you know what is in this letter?'
'Honestly,' he shook his head 'no'. 'But I can have some guesses. And I'd say I'm probably not far off to think he's asking you to take care of us...even though he knew you didn't want children.'
The incredulous look that Shawn gave him must have stunned Scott because he sat down and buried his head in his hands. 'Whatever gave you that idea, Scott?'
Sighing, his voice wavering, he carefully peered up at him through his bangs and answered him, 'It's what I hear Mom saying when she's having those dreams. She says things like 'Nick, you know he doesn't want kids and I do.' and things that go along that line. It was only 2 nights ago that I finally heard her say your name when she was mumbling about that.'
Shawn reached for him again. 'That was true --- a very long time ago.' She walked in the room and looked at the two of them in serious conversation. It made her heart leap to see Scott finally showing some emotion. He'd stuffed his feelings for the last 6 months and she knew it would hurt him. What she didn't expect was the feeling it gave her to see Shawn comforting him; and she certainly didn't expect the words that he had just spoken before he noticed her enter.
'Dinner's ready you two. Get washed up and get to the table.' She turned quickly on her heel and shuffled out to the kitchen.

The Christmas Storm.....

About 2 years ago, I wrote a short Christmas story. I shared it with a few friends. And then I put it in the back corners of the computer. The other day, I said to a friend of mine, "I'm thinking about putting the story on my blog and then linking it on facebook." Her words? "Why are you only 'thinking' about it?"

So, here it is. Well, not in its entirety, just the first part. I hope you like it....

The Christmas Storm

She stood at the tree and carefully looked over the branches. There were few spots left for her to hang her most precious ornaments. The years had been good to her with these jewels and each of the pieces held a special meaning for her. Trimmings from her childhood had been given to her when she had left home. When each of her grandmothers had passed away, she had received all of the ornaments that she had given them each Christmas, even a few others that had been special to these women and that they had felt would continue to provide her with thoughts of them and her good memories of her life.

Her parents had been divorced when she was too young to remember life being any other way than shuttling back and forth between homes. She'd grown up with the idea that she would not do to her own children what this type of life had done to her. Oh, there had been plenty of love from her grandparents and her father. But, her mother, well, her mother's idea of loving her had left a lot to be desired. It was the same with her mother's idea of marriage and the marriage vows. Her mother hadn't been good at keeping them. She had told herself over and over that she would never be "her mother's daughter."

And she hadn't. She'd married for better or for worse. There had been plenty of 'worse' in her marriage; years where they weren't sure they would be able to keep their home; the kids’ illnesses and injuries and scares of not making it to the next Christmas. Injuries that made it impossible to work for months, little income in the months before the holidays. Barely putting food on the table, let alone having anything under the tree for the kids. But they had made it through. Last Christmas had been incredible. The boys had gotten everything they'd ever wanted and her precious daughter had worn the most beautiful and elegant dress for Christmas morning services; she had looked just like the angel she had been for the pageant the week before. She smiled, despite the sorrow she felt growing in her heart as she thought about the past year.

She always did her reflecting on the past year while she decorated her tree. This time was no different.
There had been shock in the house when they found out just as the year started that they were expecting baby number four by May. She had been told that she would never have another child and they had resigned themselves to having completed their family. Now a new one was on the way and they had had to quickly make preparations. It had come together quite nicely, and, despite a rough start to life, her second daughter was born to her on Mother's Day. It had looked like it was going to be the perfect year.

It was at this point in her reminiscing that she slumped to the floor to have a good cry. A sobbing, gut-wrenching cry if she had ever had one. She wiped the tears as they spilled out of her eyes, down her cheeks and onto her Christmas red sweatshirt that he had given her last year. Her perfect year had been taken away in a split second. He was on the road working when someone hit his patrol car after leaving a July 4th party; the driver had been drinking all day. Nick had been coming to meet them, for his lunch break, to watch the fireworks. But he never made it. They were just sitting down on the picnic blanket when they saw the car pulling into the driveway. She knew the officer. And her heart fell immediately as she knew what he was coming to tell her. He had lifted her from the ground and held her there until she was able to balance. Her life was gone and she hadn't been sure how she would move on.

And so it had been, one day after another, putting one foot in front of the other. She had come to here. The house had been sold quickly; she couldn't face living in the home they had built together. The kids and she had packed up all that they owned and moved, lock, stock and barrel to a new state and a new job - an entirely new life - all within 2 months time. The kids had started school and were moving on with their lives without their father. She had begun the healing process for them; and, just recently, had begun the process for herself as well.
The move to Maine had been her last effort to get on with her life. Too much in her hometown reminded her of Nick. No, not too much, she reminded herself, but everything. Most importantly, Shawn.

They had been a set growing up. The Three Musketeers. Nick, Shawn and Bobbi. Always together — even at birth when their mothers were all in the hospital giving birth to the three within days of each other. Bobbi had been the shy one, Shawn the partier and Nick had kept the threesome's feet on the ground. The only question anyone in their small town had ever had about the three was which of the boys would end up as Bobbi's husband. Bets had even been placed by some members of the community when the three had gone off to college together. Only 2 people had won the bet. She'd married Nick. While getting their criminal law degrees, she'd seen enough of Shawn's wild side to know he wasn't going to settle down any time soon to raise a family. It was all she wanted besides a career – a husband and children. A 'real' family. As much as she loved Shawn, he wasn't going to give that to her. She'd married Nick without a second thought, for she loved him, as well. Perhaps not the same love she'd had for Shawn, but love just the same. And, it had been a good marriage. A give and take. Nick kept them grounded through all those tough times; and loved her unconditionally. She'd done the same for him.

Then he was gone. And it was Shawn that had been sent that fateful evening to give her the news. She hugged herself. It was the memory of how he had held her that afternoon that had finally driven her to leave the small town in Virginia and move to Maine.

She was startled when she heard the back door open. Quickly she grabbed off her sweatshirt and wiped the remaining tears from her face with it. Stuffing the sweatshirt under the empty boxes from the tree, she stood up, tucked her spandex turtleneck into her jeans and grabbed the last trinket from the box to hang on the tree. The kids were home and she didn't want them to find her this way. She stopped in her tracks when she realized which ornament she held in her hand — it was the one Shawn had given her their first Christmas in college.

Tired, anyone?

With the other half at a Boy Scout function with the teenagers, last night turned into a big PJ party in my bedroom. By the time I turned off the TV I had a 3 year old sleeping in his daddy's spot, and 8 year old spread across the bottom of the bed and a 2 year old clinging with one arm to my leg and the other to her sister's back. "Not so bad," I thought to myself because, somehow, we had made it to that point without the dogs in the bed or even in the room. That was about midnight or so....

Two hours later, hubby's fire pager went off...at about that same point, I could see red and blue flashing lights through the crack in my bedroom curtains. The call was for just across the street...and they were there for over an hour. A kitchen fire. No one hurt and some smoke damage...but the restful night's sleep I so needed was done. I spent a bit at the computer and then crawled back into what was left of the space on the queen size bed...good thing I like to sleep all curled up.

The final wake up call of the morning came at 6:31...the little dog, Charlotte, started scratching on my door and doing her best Chewbacca imitation. Interpretation: "If you don't take me out now, I'm going to make a mess all over the house." So, back out of bed, out the back door with both dogs and the realization that the day is beginning. At least it was beautiful out and the prediction was for high 60's. Grabbing a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt, I quickly got dressed. Then found my socks and shoes since the doc says I can't go barefoot until his final decision about what to do with my achilles. UGH! I hate shoes in the house. *sigh*

As soon as the 8 year old gets up, she's getting dressed. This, folks, is a sure sign that she wants something that involves leaving the house. Yep, there it was, "Mom, can we go to IHOP?" I only hesitated a moment, "Sure, as soon as YOU get the babies dressed." You know, when she wants something she really is motivated.

Off to IHOP we go. Two crazy toddlers that wanted to jump around the whole time - but they did manage to finish all their breakfast. Time to go back to the grind.

Today we cleaned and did laundry. I wanted to cook....didn't happen. If you walked in my house, you'd have no idea that we spent about 7 hours today cleaning. Oh well, what's a house that isn't lived in? In between all that, I played referee for the 2 and 3 year old - he'd bully her, she'd bite him. She'd bully him, he'd scratch her. Yep, loads of fun - NOT

And, that's about it....just thankful for another day with the kids - even if there are times I understand why animals eat their young. LOL

PS...indeed, those two angels are the ones that drove me crazy all day long!!

Getting back into writing...

I'm happy to be back on doing some writing...even if it will only be about the crazy, bizarre antics of the ones I call my children.

The two youngest have, once again, provided plenty of amusing tales and adventures to either keep you entralled or bore you to tears. That's for you to decide. For me, I have to laugh -otherwise, I just might cry!

Last night, Tommy was on my bed watching his shows when Shanon decided she wanted to join him. This is a queen bed - there's plenty of room, after all. Or at least you would think so. The next thing I hear is two screaming babies: "HE SCATCH ME!" "SHE BITE ME!"

Parents go running and grab a kid. Big brother Travis comes in and takes Shanon. Then starts "MOM! She has a big scratch on her face by her eye!" Up I come, clean it up and send her to bed; blankie and baba in hand. Then I lay down beside Tommy. "My finga hurt." I kiss it and tell him, "Of course it does, she bit it. Are you going to stick your fingers in her eyes and scratch her face again?" "No," sob. A minute later, "My finga hurt." I kiss it again. "No, Mama, my finga HURT!" Out of bed we go, off to stand in the light. Well, I'll be! Not only did she break skin, but the darned lil' thing is already swollen and black and blue. Cleaning it up, I still have to ask him, "Are you going to do that again?" "Nope; she bites!"

LOL

And yet, here they are, in all their glory...